Mike's Blog

Spring Training Notes

Like Peter Gammons' column, but with more curse words.

-While it's hard to find a team less likeable than the New York Yankees during any given year, the Boston Red Sox are my the early front runners for Biggest Bunch of Dicks, 2005. Why? First of all, any team with David Wells automatically merits strong consideration. The boob with the boobs is already acting like he's been in Boston all his life.
"Now New Yorkers can't chant '1918!' anymore," Wells said."
Ha ha hey...shut the hell up. Reason #2 centers on Curt Schilling. The guy has to run his mouth constantly, whether in an obnoxious "Open letter to baseball" some years back or whether it's taking cheap shots at an opposing player, etc. Yeah, I'm talking about A-Rod. I don't really care about A-rod one way or the other, but why the hell is Schilling taking shots at him after his team has won the World Series? Saying shit like, "I don't think this team would have won with A-Rod" is not only asanine it's just immature. You don't think your team, which was admitedly awesome, would have won with the best player in the league playing shortstop? Or is it just your ego that couldn't have fit inside the clubhouse along with A-rod? Reason #3 is Trot Nixon. Hey asshole, if you're gonna take shots at A-Rod also, try playing more than 140 games in a season for once. At least Schilling is good. You, Nixon, are just a tool. Reason #4, "Cowboy Up." That's stupid. Reason #5, Kevin Millar backing out of his contract with a Japanese club once the Red Sox made him an offer, then citing "concerns about being overseas during a possible war with Iraq" as an excuse. Yeah, buddy - I'm sure the fighting may reach Honshu any day now. Reason #6, They're all filthy beasts. I mean, physically filthy. Covering your helmets in pine tar is not cool - it just makes you look like a bunch of greasemonkeys. Seriously, I think I saw one Red Sox player actually living in the hair of another player last fall. They were that dirty.

-Mets look good this year. And by good, I mean "Not Horrendously Shitty" like they did last spring when they signed Mike ".230" Cameron as they're big splash. Opposing catchers are going to get lit by Jose Reyes this year (Jack Reyes to his friends). Pedro will be fine if his arm doesn't fall the fuck off, which is always a possibility. Bottom line: Mets = Not An Embarassment. Probably. Oh, and Piazza threw somebody out the other day. Savor it.

-I won't complain if the Cubs choose to mealt down again this year. But just try to keep it to yourselves, okay guys? None of this Zambrano throwing at Edmonds head type bullshit. Same for Kerry Wood. Actually, I've really had enough of Kerry Wood. If he throws at some Cardinals player this year, forget on the field retaliation. Wait until after the game, then send Julian Tavarez over to the Cubs clubhouse with his handgun.

-I've also had enough of the steroids story, but I will say that Giambi has been all class so far this spring. I don't know what he's guilty of, but he's handling himself well so far.

-Matt Morris's beard can kick Johnny Damon's beard's ass any day. Yeah, beards have asses.

-I like Ichiro, but I still feel bad for George Sisler. He's buried here in Des Peres cemetary and nobody knows his name. That's what happens to old ball players when their teams fold or move away. (St. Louis Browns - 1954 to Baltimore.)

-Yo, where's Fernando Vina at? At least his name was easier to spell than Grudzielanek.

=Fantasy Baseball is real nerdy, but that's not going to stop my team from laying waste to the Ridiculous Baseball league this year. The Orangutan Revolution is coming, and it will not be televised. It's online.

Posted by mike at March 7, 2005 10:08 PM