If a redneck shoots a bear in the middle of the forest, does John Kerry lose an electoral vote?
He might if that state is Maine. So here’s a brief summary of Maine’s system for apportioning electoral votes. Maine has four votes, two of which automatically go to the winner of the state popular vote (standard fare). Maine then has two other votes, one for each of its congressional districts. The winner of the popular vote within each district earns that district’s electoral vote. Got all that? I didn’t think so.
Here’s how it might shake out in the real world. Kerry is pretty much a lock for the state’s popular vote. That nets him two electoral votes. He’s also pretty much a lock for the popular vote in Maine’s southern congressional district. One more vote. The popular vote in Maine’s northern congressional district though is up for grabs. What might swing the vote in the district for Bush is the state referendum on bear-baiting. For all of you elitist snobs out there who don’t know what this is, bear-baiting is the art of leaving bait, like...a fish I presume, inside a trap while the hunter hides in a tree and waits to ambush the unsuspecting bear. Right now, the referendum on the bear-baiting ban looks like it will fail, but in doing so it might also draw out teams of rednecks from the Northern Maine hinterlands. While they’re protecting their right to bear arms against bears, they might just vote against John Kerry cause the NRA sent them one of them postal letters saying that if John Kerry is elected he’s gonna pass a law making it illegal for me to shoot a bear in the back of the head and another law that says I have to mail my gun to Saddam Hussein so he can break out of prison. Or some shit like that.
Net result, 3 electoral votes for Kerry, one for Bush, as a result of a referendum on shooting bears.
Fuck these redneck states and their fucking backwards laws and backwards recreational activities. There, I said it. Now, in the spirit of all things Maine, here's some lobster jokes from Pete.
Why A Lobster Would Make A Better President Than George Bush
1. Has Claws
2. Doesn't Do It with Laura Bush
3. Is a veteran of the Great Lobster-Fisherman War of 1904
Makes sense to me.
Mike I thought we were friends. Why are you hating on my state? We are not red-neck bumblefucks. What the hell gave you that idea?
Mike. Please be kind to my state in the future. These sweeping generalizations do no one any kindnesses, least of all you.
Posted by: Lindsay on October 8, 2004 09:24 AM