You know, I was just thinking the other day of the obvious connection between gay people getting married and the end of civilization. I mean, it makes sense when you think about it...after about fifteen hits of acid mixed with Draino and Sketch Ben's Magic Punch. (I've had Sketch Ben's punch...why did he always make so much of it...?)
My official stance on gay marriage is sort of a fantasy land stance....in that I don't have one. You see, marriage is a religious institution. Yeah I know that sounds like a cop-out, but that's what marriage is. Now if the state is handing out "marriage certificates" (which they do, I don't mean for this to read like a "marriage certificate" is something bizarre and unheard of), then gay people should be able to get them too. And yes, qualify for all those things that go along with the...how do you say...ah yes...."marriage certificate." This includes the tax break, rights of next-of-kin status, better insurance rates, and the chance to adopt kids (we got kids who need places to live, we got two people that want to give a kid a place to live....lemme see here....A-HA!)
Now of course, all those laws that govern taxes, inheritance, etc. are the reason why states give out marriage certificates. And why a lot of gay people want the same equal protections.
But again, marriage is a religious ceremony. So if the Church of Corn-eatin', chrysanthumum smokin', Satan worshipers does not want to recognize a gay union as a marriage because they believe that Grogalor the dark avenger of all things evil and unholy would not approve, that's fine by me. I'll leave that up to the COCECSSW and its leaders who take their orders directly from Grogalor so stop saying otherwise. (And yes, I'm for the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America, the church I belong to, recognizing gay marriage. I am a little uneasy that there's that part of the Bible where Jesus specifically condemns...wait it's here somewhere...well I'm sure that he says in some sermon that...hold on I can find it....oh wait I can't because HE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ON THE FUCKING MATTER. ANYWHERE.) What God does and does not recognize I won't even attempt to touch, but the state, yeah I live in a state, and yeah I'm in favor of equal rights, so if the state is going to be in the business of handing out marriage certificates, then they should hand them out to gays too.
This Tom Tomorrow cartoon sums up the irrational fear of gay marriage pretty well. Oh, and if anyone can ever e-mail me a copy of this homosexual agenda I hear so much about, please do. It must be pretty big and pretty developed for me to hear so much about it. Either that or we just have a whole lot of paranoid bigots running around. One of the two.
Posted by mike at November 18, 2003 02:32 AMI just found out what the homosexual agenda is. Apparently they want to procure the same rights as heterosexuals.
So you see, it's not an irrational fear of gay marraige... Just think if they had the same rights as you and me?!! It would be... PAAAANDEEEMOOONIUUUM!!
Posted by: Cam on November 21, 2003 02:12 AMI know, heterosexual marriage would completely fall apart. In fact, I'm surprised heterosexual marriage is still legal at all. Next, we'll all be in camps for mandatory sexual re-orientation.
Or so page 867 of "The Homosexual Agenda" states. Thanks to an alert reader for e-mailing me a copy of that.
Not.
Posted by: Mike on November 22, 2003 05:03 PM