Mike's Blog

Here's what I'm thinking while not writing my paper

WARNING: Reading this blog will be the most important event of your life. Side effects may include shingles, vertigo, Lou Gehrig's Disease, Gulf War Syndrome and Bovine Hypercardial Paralysis (BHP). Upon completion, the reader will be rewarded with instant nirvana, the ability of flight, and a six-foot Emperor Penguin named Stan who will gratify all of your darkest and most passionate sexual fantasies. But beware! Stan will also one day break your heart when he leaves you for an androgynous circus clown named Aristophenes V. Krunklestein whose club foot and daily rituals of cocaine orgies followed immediately by professional cockfighting matches prove too much for Stan to resist. Sometimes life is cruel. But don't despair, since you can always recover your lost, burning dreams of inter-species romance with a little persistence and a harpoon gun. I recommend the zoo, after midnight, when the security guards are too busy smoking meth and scratching their nether-regions to notice the man in a one-piece black rubber suit covertly enter the "Friends Of The Arctic" corner of the zoo. Just be sure to MIND THE POLAR BEARS, as this is both relevant vis a vis the F.O.T.A. zone as well as sound, practical advice for everyday living.

Now Back to the Darwin Paper.