Actually, I was the one who walked into the bar. About a week and a half ago, I get off work at 8 in the evening and immediately turn on the Cardinals game. It's the 5th inning and Woody Williams has got a no hitter going through five. I'm like, "Shit! I gotta see this," so I find an old man's bar a little ways off 70 East.
So I go in, sit down, order a beer, and of course, Woody Williams promptly gives up a hit. Fucking great. But the game is still on and I have a beer so I'm pretty happy. Anyway, to the right of me there's sitting three guys, two of whom are obviously tanked. Most of what they were saying was hillarious but I'll excerpt the best part.
Drunk Guy #1-So I'm driving down this highway right? And I see this woman on the side of the road hitchhiking....
Drunk Guy #2-(interrupting) yeah you don't see many of those anymore....just too dangerous or...shit...i don't know
DG#1-yeah so anyway, I ask her where she's going and she says "Phoenix,'" so I'm like "okay hop in." So she does and we talk for a little bit and then she suddenly asks me, "How much money you have on you right now?" and I'm like, "I don't know....sixty, eighty bucks maybe." So she says, "Okay give me fifty and I'll blow you right now."
DG#2: So didja get it right there? Huh? Huh?"
DG#1: Fuck no! I pulled over to the side of the road and was like, "Get the fuck out of my car bitch." And I left her there.
Sober Guy #3: Well....that might have been fot the best. She probably made a lot of money doing that sort of thing.
DG#1 Yeah maybe.....(pause). Maybe some guys paid her. Then again, maybe some guys robbed her. I can see some trucker takin' her out into the dessert and robbing and killing her, being like, "I'll cut your fucking hands off bitch so they'll never be able to fucking identify you!"
At this point, the two drunk guys burst out laughing while the third sober guy and I, eavesdroping, sort of sat there in silence and tried to stare at our beers as intently as possible. Crazy fuckers these two. Now here's the funny thing. After they exchange stories like these, the conversation turns to environmentalism and it turns out these guys are hard core environmentalists. They're talking about wind power and hydrogen this, and all this other crap that quickly got too technical for me to follow. I mean, crazy fucking technical. These guys were obviously engineers from someplace, maybe Boeing down the road, but I just thought it was funny that guys who can laugh about cutting a prostitute's hands off can also hold such a high-level discussion in the next breath.
When the two guys left, the third sober guy remained. I asked him, "So you know those two?" His response with an embarassed smile, "Yeah...loosely. Very loosely. I actually met them this morning." We laughed about that for a while and made some other chit-chat, but then the Cards were whuppin' some ass so I started to leave. On the way out, the guy made a point to tell me to have a good evening. I think he was grateful for having one half-sane conversation in that bar.
Posted by mike at April 12, 2003 03:02 AM